Sunday, May 30, 2010
The last entry seems to a happi one..
LOL..
how tings changes within 1 month...
the past month have been a tiring, sad and shocked moments of my life...
i can finally understand how
1) people cn turn to be beasts
2) people cn be award winning actors and actress..
3) despicable people can be
4) people felt when they see their loved ones lying on the hospital bed
5) tiring it is for the family members
6) forgiveness is said but the wounds takes time to heal
7) sadness can be controlled and slowly become numb
8) tiring it is to escape from reality
as some may noe, my grandma stayed with mi for 5 mths after moving from my uncle place which she had stayed for over 20 years..
she passed away on mother's day.. after a struggle of 11 days in NUH.. i believe god had arranged my life whereby i have not found a job and can be by her side till the day she left us.. i tried not to cry and be strong.. but at times, i think i was hoping i gt a shoulder to cry on.. coz controling my tears from flowing is hard.. really hard.. i cant cry in front of everyone coz i wan them to believe in miracles.. a miracle that my grandma can recover from her stroke and be back to her normal self ...
when i cant control the sadness, i called my best fren who patiently comfort me... i am thankful that she is by my side... thanks so much!
i wanted to cry but i still refuse to shed a tear coz i noe thats not wad my grandma wanna see.. at a point of time, while returning from the cemetery, tears started to flow while i was in my cousin's car.. but i quickly wipe it away.. after that, i felt like a zombie.. i dun feel sadness, i dun feel the pain, i dun feel anything.. i felt like part of me died too..
now, life is back to square one.. i still have this feeling that ah ma is staying with uncle.. how i wish it is true... but then.. i have to slowly accept the reality.. no matter how harsh it is.. coz that how life is..
Labels: Life
With Y, 5/30/2010 01:57:00 AM
